Pattern of dating unavailable men
If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable, you know the pain of not being able to get close to the one you love.They’re evasive, make excuses, or just inept when it comes to talking about feelings or the relationship.Usually women complain about emotionally unavailable men. Maybe you’ve been betrayed or lied to in the past and now look for it in everyone. Do you avoid intimacy by filling quiet times with distractions? Are you uncomfortable talking about yourself and your feelings?Yet many aren’t aware they’re emotionally unavailable, too. Big and Carrie Bradshaw) disguises your problem, keeping you in denial of your own unavailability. Although people complain about their problems, many have even more difficulty accepting the good. Do you have secrets you’re ashamed of that make you feel undesirable or unlovable? Do you usually like to keep your options open in case someone better comes along? Do you fear a relationship may place too many expectations on you, that you’d give up your independence or lose your autonomy?Now, added to something heart-centered, I’m also adding .After all, it seems I keep getting exactly what I ask for. I learned that I also have to expect that of the person I am engaging with. I can’t hold myself to one standard and be forgiving, understanding, appeasing and accommodating when the other doesn’t respond in kind.Here’s a list of more subtle red flags that may signal unavailability, especially when several add up. Following them are questions to ask yourself to find out whether you’re ready for a committed relationship. there but I didn’t know what it was and I was having a difficult time reading what this man wanted. We made small talk and ate canapes and drank wine and sat across the table from each other for dinner and listened to speeches. Finally, I shook myself awake, and stopped communicating, curious to see what would happen if I didn’t lead the charge. Because we know—we always know in our heart of hearts—what the reality is of the relationship we’re experiencing. This time around, I felt everything as it arose, I sensed the truth of the situation, and I let it go. My parents were both emotionally unavailable when I was growing up.
People recently divorced or widowed may temporarily not be ready to get involved with someone new. Chronic lateness is inconsiderate, and can also indicate the person is avoiding relationship, but don’t assume that punctuality means he or she’s a catch. Conversely, someone may conceal his or her past due to shame, which may create an obstacle to getting close. Pay attention to the facts, if there’s mutual attraction. If you overlook, deny, or rationalize to avoid short-term disappointment, you run the risk of enduring long-term misery.
My focus in a relationship is honest communication. I determined that I wasn’t going to play this game. No surprise there and it’s something more to explore.
It’s been a learning curve for me—once upon a time, I didn’t even know what was really thinking and feeling, let alone how to communicate that with others. I was getting good at this clear communication gig. It seemed a clear signal that he was interested in pursing something. I noted too that even though I was working on honest, clear communication I was still choosing written methods rather than picking up the phone and just talking to this man. How do I make the leap from this kind of experience to intimacy with an emotionally available person? Relationships still seem to be the main way I learn about myself and how I relate to the world and other people. How else do we learn to relate, but in relationships?
I have high standards of my own behaviour and my own ability to grow and respond.
Why don’t I hold the other to those same standards? It seems so—there’s a core belief that was revealed in this relating.